I Am Doing This Unto Myself

In my dream I was in a very old, antique-looking, building.  I was alone and the building was dark and ominous.  I walked towards a room and reached over to turn the light on.  The light switch was outside the room in the hallway.  The moment I touched the light switch with my right hand, someone grabbed my hand.  I turned around to see no one there.  However, the unseen hand was still grasping my hand.  

In bed, next to my partner, I must have been breathing hard or making a noise because he realized I was having a nightmare.  He woke me up by touching me on my arm.  For a moment I was in a twilight state between sleeping and waking.  I was breathing very hard.  I still felt the hand from my dream grasping my right hand.  I shook my hand to release the grip.  At that moment my own left hand released my right hand.  I was then fully awake from the nightmare and all was well.  

You see, the unseen hand that grabbed my right hand in the dream was my own left hand while lying in bed next to my partner.  It was only when he woke me up that I realized that I was doing this to myself.  This is a common occurrence with my night dreams.  Something will happen in “real life” while I am dreaming, and my dreaming mind will incorporate that something into the dream.  

Later in the morning I was on Facebook and saw a status update by a fellow Course in Miracles student.  She was talking about the idea in the Course that says “you are doing this unto yourself.”  The two paragraphs that explain this beautifully are found in the chapter called “The Healing of the Dream” in a section called “The ‘Hero’ of the Dream.”    

The secret of salvation is but this: that you are doing this unto yourself.  No matter what the form of the attack, this still is true.  Whoever takes the role of enemy and of attacker, still is this the truth.  Whatever seems to be the cause of any pain and suffering you feel, this is still true.  For you would not react at all to figures in a dream you knew that you were dreaming.  Let them be as hateful and as vicious as they may, they could have no effect on you unless you failed to recognize it is your dream (T-27.VIII.10).

This single lesson learned will set you free from suffering, whatever form it takes.  The Holy Spirit will repeat this one inclusive lesson of deliverance until it has been learned, regardless of the form of suffering that brings you pain.  Whatever hurt you bring to Him He will make answer with this very simple truth.  For this one answer takes away the cause of every form of sorrow and of pain.  The form affects His answer not at all, for He would teach you but the single cause of all of them, no matter what their form.  And you will understand that miracles reflect the simple statement, "I have done this thing, and it is this I would undo" (T-27.VIII.11).

My dream illustrated this teaching very clearly to me.  While fully immersed in the dream, I thought I was being attacked by something outside of myself – a ghost or a demon perhaps.  It was only when I was awakened from the dream that I was able to see that I was doing it to myself.  It was my own hand and not the hand of a ghost or demon.  After I woke up my partner asked me if I was okay.  I said that I was.  He said, “Are you sure?”  I said, “Yes.  It was just a dream.”  He couldn’t see it in the dark, but I had a slight smile on my face.  It was funny to me to realize that the “dream hand” was my own hand. 

What the passage from the Course is saying is that this is the case no matter the situation.  Any time I suffer, I am doing this to myself.  No matter the outward form of the suffering, I am doing this to myself.  This is indeed a lesson that the Holy Spirit teaches me over and over again.

I don’t always learn the lesson right away.  I might go through days or weeks thinking that I am the victim of some outside person or situation that is the cause of my suffering.  As long as I believe this way, I am in a hopeless situation.  The only way my suffering will end is if the other person or situations changes in some way.  

Usually, a passage or lesson from the Course will “wake me up.”  It will show me, in one way or another, that I am the cause of my own suffering.  It also shows me that I am the cause of my release.  "I have done this thing, and it is this I would undo."  Learning this lesson over and over again is freeing to me.  As my Facebook friend (Myron Jones) said, “What has been done to me leaves me a victim.  What I have done to myself, I can undo.”  

I am so grateful for this lesson.  It is my prayer that I will fully internalize it so that I never forget.  Thank you, Holy Spirit, for your patience with me and your willingness to teach me.