Who is My Neighbor, or How Do I Inherit Eternal Life?

(The following is an excerpt from the book I am writing on forgiveness, called Loosening the Cords)

When an expert in the Jewish Law asked Jesus, “Who is my neighbor?” he replied with one of his most well-known parables.  To understand the significance of his answer to the question we need to understand a few things about the characters in this parable.  There are four main characters in this story.  The parable goes as follows:

“A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, when he was attacked by robbers. They stripped him of his clothes, beat him and went away, leaving him half dead.  A priest happened to be going down the same road, and when he saw the man, he passed by on the other side.  So too, a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side.  But a Samaritan, as he traveled, came where the man was; and when he saw him, he took pity on him.  He went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he put the man on his own donkey, brought him to an inn and took care of him.  The next day he took out two denarii and gave them to the innkeeper. ‘Look after him,’ he said, ‘and when I return, I will reimburse you for any extra expense you may have.’

“Which of these three do you think was a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of robbers?”

The expert in the law replied, “The one who had mercy on him.”

Jesus told him, “Go and do likewise” (Luke 10: 30-37, emphasis added).

The one who asked the question that prompted Jesus to tell this parable was a lawyer.  He was someone who was very aware of all of Jewish law and prided himself on living by that law.  His question, “Who is my neighbor?” was designed to discredit Jesus – to show that Jesus was not a follower of the law.   

The other members of the audience who were listening to Jesus tell this parable would more than likely identify themselves with the man who had been attacked.  The road that Jesus was talking about was well known for its lack of safety.  His listeners would have known this.  As the story progresses they would more than likely nod their heads in agreement as Jesus told of the priest and the Levite passing by.  “Of course they would pass us by.  They don’t want to take the chance of becoming unclean by touching the body of one who might be dead.”  The lawyer would also agree that the priest and Levite would pass him by.  They were concerned with maintaining their purity.  Their desire to follow the letter of the law would often trump any possibility of acting with compassion.

Then comes the big twist to the story.  The next person to come along is a Samaritan.  The Samaritans were despised in Jesus’ day.  They were descendants of gentiles and Jews – “half breeds” as they were often called.  The Samaritans were considered spiritually defiled and were certainly treated as outcasts.  Jesus’ listeners would have been shocked to hear him cast a Samaritan as the hero of his story.

Yet, it is the Samaritan who acts with compassion – not the priest or Levite – but, the Samaritan.  Jesus’ parables were often filled with reversals and exaggerations.  His listeners would expect another Jew to act with compassion.  Jesus challenged this view.  He throws them a curve ball and has the Samaritan go above and beyond what most of them would have done for a total stranger found almost dead on the side of a road.

To understand the power of this parable, perhaps we can replace the characters with more contemporary examples.  Here is a version told by Clarence Jordan in his “Cotton Patch” version of the Gospel of Luke.  The “Cotton Patch Gospels” are set in pre-civil rights movement, twentieth-century America.

One day a teacher of an adult Bible class got up and tested him with this question: “Doctor, what does one do to be saved?”

Jesus replied, “What does the Bible say?  How do you interpret it?”

The teacher answered, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your physical strength and with all your mind; and love your neighbor as yourself.”

“That is correct,” answered Jesus.  “Make a habit of this and you’ll be saved.”

But the Sunday school teacher, trying to save face, asked, “But … er … but … just who is my neighbor?”

Then Jesus laid into him and said, “A man was going from Atlanta to Albany and some gangsters held him up.  When they had robbed him of his wallet and brand-new suit, they beat him up and drove off in his car, leaving him unconscious on the shoulder of the highway.

“Now it just so happened that a white preacher was going down that same highway.  When he saw the fellow, he stepped on the gas and went scooting by.  Shortly afterwards a white Gospel song leader came down the road, and when he saw what had happened, he too stepped on the gas.

“Then a black man traveling that way came upon the fellow, and what he saw moved him to tears.  He stopped and bound up his wounds as best he could, drew some water from his water-jug to wipe away the blood and then laid him on the back seat.  He drove on into Albany and took him to the hospital and said to the nurse, ‘You all take good care of this white man I found on the highway.  Here’s the only two dollars I got, but you all keep account of what he owes, and if he can’t pay it, I’ll settle up with you when I make a pay-day.’

“Now if you had been the man held up by the gangsters, which of these three – the white preacher, the white song leader, or the black man – would you consider to have been your neighbor?”

The teacher of the adult Bible class said, “Why, of course, the – I mean, er … well, er … the one who treated me kindly.”

Jesus said, “Well, then, you get going and start living like that!” 

With the original parable Jesus was challenging his listeners as well as challenging notions of ritual purity and several Jewish laws and norms.  In the “Cotton Patch” re-telling, he is challenging our notions of race and religion.  In the end he asks a question.  He is also asking us the same question.  “Which of these three do you think was a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of robbers?”  He replied, “The one who had mercy on him.”  Jesus instructions to the man that follow are perhaps the most important words in this parable.  He says to him, “Go and do likewise.”

What does this mean – to go and do likewise?  Is he telling the lawyer to simply act with compassion?  If we take into consideration all of the context of this story and the audience that was listening to Jesus, we understand that he is saying much more than that.  He is telling the lawyer – he is telling us – to look past all of the many labels that we apply to people.  He is challenging our prejudices.  He is telling us that many of our laws, rituals, customs, and norms, if held too tightly and followed too literally, will prevent us from lives dedicated to love.  To act with compassion, we sometimes have to break from our normal ways of defining people and from our normal ways of circumscribing our behavior.

This exchange between the lawyer and Jesus began with the lawyer asking what he had to do to inherit “eternal life.”  He was more than likely shocked by Jesus’ answer.  There is no doubt that he was also challenged by his answer.  In essence Jesus was telling him to break with everything he thought he knew.  He was telling him to move past all of his mental constructs and limiting beliefs.  He was telling him to be led by love, not by the law.  He is telling us the very same thing.

The Fourth "R" -- Rational Thinking

I recently had a client of mine tell me that she wished kids were taught what she had been learning in our sessions and applying in her daily life.  She believed that it would make a huge difference in preventing major problems that seem to occur with such regularity – anxiety disorders, depression, low self-worth, suicide attempts, bullying, etc.  It should be required learning, she said.  I said to her, “It should be the fourth ‘R’ to go along with reading, ‘riting and ‘rithmatic… rational thinking.”  

What I had been teaching her for the past few months and that she had been practicing so diligently was the principles and techniques of an approach to therapy called “Rational Living Therapy (RLT).”  I was taught this approach to therapy by Dr. Aldo Pucci in his Level I and II trainings in Shreveport, LA.  RLT is a version of Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy that is very structured and systematic.  The goal of RLT is for the client to learn how to engage in rational self-counseling and no longer have a need for therapy.

I agree with my client that the ideas and techniques of RLT should be required learning for all children.  Children need to be taught how to think rationally.  Usually they are only taught information that they memorize for a test and immediately forget as soon as the test is over.  They are also taught a very erroneous idea that is hard to overcome – being so ingrained in the thinking of the world and reinforced over and over again.

The erroneous idea they and all of us are taught is that the cause of our emotions and behaviors is people and situations outside of us.  Our very language betrays this idea.  How often do we say things like the following:

“He made me angry.”

“That noise scared me.”

“I am so depressed because she left me.” 

What we are saying in each of these situations is that the cause of our upset is a person or situation.  If it is true that “things” outside of us cause our upset, it must also be true that “things” outside of us cause our feelings of calm or happiness.  It means that we are the emotional slaves of people and situations outside of our control.  It means that we can only be okay if other people or situations “act right” and make us feel okay. 

Instead, what we learn with RLT – at first theoretically and then experientially – is that the cause of our emotions and behaviors is our thinking.  In order for our language to reflect this understanding, we would say things like the following:

“He did so-an-so, and I had thoughts about what he did that caused me to feel angry.”

“I had thoughts about that noise, and those thoughts scared me.”

“I had thoughts about her leaving me, and those thoughts depressed me.”

Such language, though unusual for us, is much more accurate when it comes to the cause of our emotions and actions.  Something happens, I have thoughts about what happened, those thoughts then tell my body how to feel and how to act.  The cause is not the “things” outside of us.  The cause is our thinking.  What this means is that we are responsible for how we feel and act.  Our thinking is the cause of our feelings of upset and our feelings of calm or happiness.  It means that we are now empowered to determine our emotions and actions by determining what we think.  We are no longer the victim of circumstance. 

The first step in RLT is identifying the thoughts that are upsetting us.  Once we identify them, we must determine if our thoughts are rational or irrational.  Rational thinking is not the same as positive thinking.  Let’s face it, some positive thoughts can be pretty irrational (i.e. “I am the greatest singer in the world.”  Just watch the American Idol auditions to see how irrational this positive thought can be).  A rational thought must meet three criteria:

1. It must be based on fact. 
2. It must help us to achieve the goals that we have for ourselves.
3. It must help us to feel the way we want to feel. 

If the thought does not meet all three of the above criteria it is considered irrational.  Our job then becomes to change the thought in such a way that it will pass the three criteria.  Once we come up with a new rational thought, we are instructed to practice the thought.  We need to practice it enough so that it replaces the irrational thought that it corrects – an irrational thought that we have probably been practicing for a very, very long time – possibly our entire lives. 

There is more to Rational Living Therapy than can be covered in this blog entry.  Through the six phases of RLT, we learn various techniques and ideas that we practice, practice, practice, until they become natural for us.  The end result is a person who finally understands true cause and effect – mind and its contents are cause – my emotions and behaviors are the effect.  Finally understanding this and internalizing it is truly revolutionary and life-transforming.

(To learn more about RLT and to purchase trainings or products visit http://www.rational-living-therapy.org/)

The True Separation

One of the basic teachings of A Course in Miracles is the concept of “the separation.”  The separation is the idea that we could make ourselves into separate beings who were special in the eyes of God – set apart and set above the rest of the Sonship – and that we could become self-created instead of God-created. 

The Course describes this idea as a “tiny mad idea.”  It is also described as an idea that we forgot to laugh at.  It is, therefore, a laughable idea – one that we should see as insane.  However, we did not laugh at this idea.  Instead we took it seriously.  This one mad idea then led to the insanity of this world.

The Course also defines the ego as the idea of separation.  You could say that the tiny mad idea of separation, specialness, and self-creation led us to make the ego.  All of the evil in the world and all of the pain and suffering we experience has its origin in the ego and the thought-system of separation that gave it birth.

                  

Many students of the Course want to understand what happened in the separation.  They want to know how we could have made this insane idea in the first place.  They believe that understanding its origin will lead to finding its ending.  However, an even better question to ask is, “How could I continue to make this error?”  It is better to ask the question in terms of the present instead of the distant past.

We read in the Course:

“It is reasonable to ask how the mind could ever have made the ego.  In fact, it is the best question you could ask.  There is, however, no point in giving an answer in terms of the past because the past does not matter, and history would not exist if the same errors were not being repeated in the present” (T-4.II.1).

“Your own state of mind is a good example of how the ego was made.  When you threw knowledge away it is as if you never had it.  This is so apparent that one need only recognize it to see that it does happen.  If this occurs in the present, why is it surprising that it occurred in the past?  Surprise is a reasonable response to the unfamiliar, though hardly to something that occurs with such persistence.  But do not forget that the mind need not work that way, even though it does work that way now” (T-4.II.3).

The making of the ego continues to occur in the present moment with much persistence.  Our current state of mind – judgment, fear, anger, attack, etc. – is made each moment that we throw away knowledge.  We throw away knowledge each time we chose our limited perception of our brother over Christ’s Vision.  This is the true separation.

Engaging in philosophical speculation on the origin of the separation is a useless endeavor and maintains the belief that time is real and the past is the cause of the present.  Instead, the Course guides us, through the Workbook, to look at the errors in perception that we are making each moment.  It is then in the present, given over to the Holy Spirit, that we know the insanity of our false perception and the mad ideas of the ego.  It is in this holy instant that we experience true freedom and salvation.

“It has taken time to misguide you so completely, but it takes no time at all to be what you are.  Begin to practice the Holy Spirit's use of time as a teaching aid to happiness and peace.  Take this very instant, now, and think of it as all there is of time.  Nothing can reach you here out of the past, and it is here that you are completely absolved, completely free and wholly without condemnation” (T-15.I.9:3-6).

I Complete Me, Part 2

In my last blog we looked at the romantic idea that another person can complete us.  This idea is based on a sense of lack – that somehow we are not whole on our own and need another person to complete us.  We then contemplated a quote from Byron Katie where she tells us, “There is only one way I can use you to complete me.  That is if I judge you, inquire, and turn it around.”  In that blog I described her method of self-inquiry known as The Work (www.thework.com) -- one way that we can use our judgments of other people to find the “completeness” that is already ours.

I now want to explore this same idea from the point of view of A Course in Miracles.  To begin, I would like to offer a modification of Katie’s quote:

“There is only one way I can use you to complete me.  That is if I forgive you and discover the completeness that is inherent in our shared identity.”

More than any other spiritual path that I am aware of, the Course uses forgiveness as the primary means of awakening / liberation / salvation.  However, the way the Course defines forgiveness is different from the usual way it is presented.  The usual view of forgiveness is as follows:

Someone has harmed me in some way.  I decide to be the better person and rise above my feelings of anger, resentment, and hurt.  I forgive the person for what they did to me while never forgetting what they did.

This way of understanding forgiveness is not what the Course means at all.  In this usual view of forgiveness, our perception of the other person doesn’t really change.  We still see them as the “bad guy” in the situation and we see ourselves as the “victim.”  Somehow we are supposed to maintain this perception while still letting go of our hurt feelings.  

One way that we do this is to say, “It is not my place to judge.  That is up to God.  I let go of my judgment and turn them over to God.”  Even with this form of forgiveness, we still maintain our perception of them and of ourselves.  Nothing has really changed.  We still believe that they were wrong.  Only now they will have to answer to God.

After studying and practicing the ideas of A Course in Miracles, I now see this form of forgiveness as nothing more than unforgiveness.  I define unforgiveness as, “1) the distortion of the truth of ourselves and others and 2) the resulting misperception that leads to our sense of separation.”  Unforgiveness is rooted in false perception.  This false perception leads to thinking that we are separate from one another.

In contrast to unforgiveness, I define forgiveness as, “1) the relinquishment of our false perception and 2) the recognition of our shared holiness.”  Course-based forgiveness is rooted in true perception.  This true perception leads to the experience of oneness with the apparent “other.”  We re-cognize (“to think again”) the other as none other than a fellow “Son of God” (Note:  The Course uses masculine language in an inclusive rather than exclusive way – everyone [male or female] is my brother and a Son of God.).  In this recognition we find our shared holiness.   

So, let’s look at these two ways of relating to another person (unforgiveness and forgiveness) by revisiting my modification of Katie’s quote:

“There is only one way I can use you to complete me.  That is if I forgive you and discover the completeness that is inherent in our shared identity.”

The way of unforgiveness is captured in the statement: “There is only one way I can use you to feel incomplete.  That is if I perceive you falsely and continue to experience the separation that results.”  Here is what that might look like…

Because we live in a world of space and time – a world of separate bodies – a world of past, present and future – the common experience I have is one of separation and victimization.  When another person behaves badly towards me, I feel hurt, anger, fear, sadness, or any number of negative emotions.  It is obvious to me that their behavior is the cause of my emotions.  The only way that I will feel better is if they stop their poor behavior and treat me better.  And, if their behavior doesn’t change, I will remain in my painful emotional state.  In short, they are the cause; I am the effect.  This keeps me forever in the victim position in relation to them.  This keeps them in the “bad guy” position in relation to me.  The resulting experience is more separation.  We are both entrenched in our respective identities and positions – never to find true resolution or peace. 

The way of forgiveness is captured in the statement: “There is only one way I can use you to complete me.  That is if I forgive you and discover the completeness that is inherent in our shared identity.”  Here is how that might look like…

When I am looking out through the body’s eyes, it appears that we live in a world of space and time – a world of separate bodies – a world of past, present and future – and, the common experience I have is one of separation and victimization.  However, I am not this body.  I am spirit – created by God and one with Him and every other spirit.  When another person behaves badly towards me, I will feel hurt, anger, fear, sadness, or any number of negative emotions as long as I forget my true identity.  It is this forgetfulness that is the cause of my painful emotions.  The only way that I will feel better is if I remember my true identity.  The way I do this is to forgive them – too realize that they are not defined by their bad behavior – to remember that they too are spirit, created holy and perfect by a holy and perfect Creator.  Since we are one, perceiving them in this way allows me to see myself the same way.  If their behavior doesn’t change, my job is still to remember who they are and who I am.  In short, God is the ultimate cause; we are the effect.  This realization keeps us both forever in the reality of our shared identity as holy, loving, perfect creations.  The resulting experience is Oneness.  We are both lifted up into the experience of heaven – the placeless place of true resolution and peace.

Now, I realize that many of my readers might find this description of forgiveness a hard one to embrace.  There is no way that I could fully embrace it myself were it not for my study and practice of A Course in Miracles.  The Course is not easy at first.  It is asking for a total reversal of our normal way of thinking.  It is leading us to a totally different way of relating.  However, the more we study and practice the teachings of the Course, the easier it becomes and the more natural its way of thinking and relating becomes.  

The Course is a path.  It is guiding us on a way that each of us must travel.  Fortunately, we are not traveling this way alone.  As a matter of fact, if we are attempting to travel it alone, we are not really traveling the path it is setting for us.  The means that it offers us to find salvation is forgiveness.  We are told that we enter the ark of peace “two by two.”  It is through our relationships – healed by forgiveness – that we enter peace.  We can’t go alone.  

So, the way of forgiveness outlined by the Course is how I can use you to complete me.  Forgiveness allows me to see you truly – as God’s creation.  You are not defined by your behavior or by me.  You are defined by Him.  And, when I see you truly, I see myself.  I now know who I am as God created me.  I know that I am not defined by my past behavior or by you.  I am defined by God.

I invite you to end with the prayer in Lesson 351 of the Course:

“Who is my brother but Your holy Son?  And if I see him sinful I proclaim myself a sinner, not a Son of God; alone and friendless in a fearful world.  Yet this perception is a choice I make, and can relinquish.  I can also see my brother sinless, as Your holy Son.  And with this choice I see my sinlessness, my everlasting Comforter and Friend beside me, and my way secure and clear” (W-351.1-5).

Amen!

(To learn more about A Course in Miracles, I highly recommend the site www.circleofa.org)